He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
