I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
