3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
