That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
