I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
