That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
