I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
