True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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