I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize