Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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