I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
