Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
