someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
