She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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