Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
