I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
