just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
