Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
