His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
