I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
