can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
