So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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