so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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