i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
