You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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