note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
