When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
