I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
