i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
