I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it penis luge time yet?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
