good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
