I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
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