And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
