I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
