How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
