last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I looked at my own cervix.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
