Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
