just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
