Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
