At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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