a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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