Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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