Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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