I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
