dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
