I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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