An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I deserve this hangover.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
