So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
