So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
