if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
