I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
