I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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