Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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