we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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