Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
