Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
