Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
