Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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