We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
