so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
