Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
