Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
