I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
