i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
