Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
