He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
two words: eviction party
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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